


Seeking Solace

by Dominatrix



Series: 120 Raindrops on the window [5]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Awww right in the feels, F/M, Hurt, Mycroft's Past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominatrix/pseuds/Dominatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re here because of her.”<br/>“What makes you believe this?”<br/>“She was found dead today. You identified her. Obvious, isn’t it?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeking Solace

It was late when the doorbell rang. Disbelieving about the late visitor Mycroft opened the door. He did not get unannounced visitors usually.

“Sherlock? What are you doing here? And why are you soaked to your bones?” His younger brother sighed.

“Oh Mycroft, where have you left your brain behind? It is raining. I took a walk and did not have an umbrella. Causal connections.“ Without another word of explanation he marched along the elder and entered the warm and particularly dry house.

“Do you want to explain what takes you here?”

“I did not know where to go.”

“How about home?”

“Home to John, who could try to talk at me?” Sherlock snorted in acted amusement. When he spoke again his voice dripped from sarcasm.

“Why did I not get this brilliant idea?” Mycroft pointed at a heavy armchair at the fireplace.

„Sit down. Take a cup of tea.“ He watched his brother grabbing the tea pot and a delicate tea cup with stiff fingers before he poured himself in some tea. Mycroft sat down next to him in the other armchair. They stared in the crackling fire for some minutes without saying a single word.

“You’re here because of her.”

“What makes you believe this?”

“She was found dead today. You identified her. Obvious, isn’t it?”

„I thought you would know how I can explain what is happening in me right now.“

„And why should I know this?“

Sherlock’s glance flickered over to him and fixated him. “Do I really need to remember you?”

 

No, he really did not need to do that. Mycroft remembered only quite too well. And yet, it had happened over ten years ago.

“Did you just come to recall that in my memory?” Strictly speaking Sherlock did not need to say anything to do this; it was enough for Mycroft to see the face of his brother to feel like he was thrown in icy water. He remembered every time he looked at Sherlock.

One of the reasons why he avoided it to meet his brother personally. Everything from back then broke down on him until he believed he had to suffocate.

“I’m not the first one of us both who had to identify the woman that meant something to him.”

“She did not mean something to me. I loved her” Mycroft mumbled. Again he was thrown back in the maelstrom of remembrance and guilt. Again he did not know how to get out. Again the old hate on his brother ran high in him; again Mycroft remembered the most important incident that had driven a wedge between the two brothers.

Kaitlin had been to pale and motionless in the mortuary…He had almost believed that she was just sleeping. It had proved as a fatal erroneous belief.

 

“She would be still alive if you hadn’t been there.”

“You don’t know that” Sherlock replied coldly.

“Just because of you she got in this damned car!” Almost demoniac from anger Mycroft spit out these words and buried his face and his hands.

“She would not have gotten so furious if you had not analysed her. She would have never left head over heels.”

“She betrayed you.”

„But at least she was still alive. We would’ve figured out how to go on.“ Mycroft’s voice came muffled back from his hands.

 

He had had the ring box in the pocket of his coat when Sherlock had waltzed in. In a few seconds Kaitlin had risen furiously and had been driving away. On her way home she had a crash with another car. The young man had been drunk, careless. He had tried to impress his girlfriend on the front seat. They both had survived. Kaitlin, however, had not.

 

„I’m sorry, Mycroft.“

„No, you’re not.“

„Yes, I am. I know how you feel now.”

“You haven’t got the slightest idea how I feel! You don’t even know how to feel!” Both brothers had risen and stared at each other.

“I feel so...left behind” Sherlock said surprised and with a curiously painful expression in his eyes, as if his own feelings had overwhelmed him. Well, they probably did.

„What do you want to hear from me, Sherlock?“ Mycroft asked. He felt very tired all of a sudden.

“If you’re here to seek solace I’ll have to disappoint you. You can’t find anything of it here.” Already over ten years.

“However…thank you” Sherlock replied and left through the door silently, while Mycroft leaned back in his armchair exhausted and spent the next hours in trying to hold back the memories and the tears.

He managed neither the one nor the other.


End file.
